We watched the Democratic debate last night between the current 10 contenders for Democratic nominee. It reminded me of The Voice; all the lights and colours. The whole thing bears some similarity, in fact. All I could think was, I’m glad that’s not me up there. It’s got to be one of the toughest stages in the world to be on.
Speaking of me, I’m discovering who that is. This is an ongoing process for anyone, I suppose. But for me it got a rocket fuel injection last week when Al asked me, at the apex of an emotional conversation, if I like who I am. It was said with real care, not meant ironically or to cause harm. I had said something about not wanting to be me. And a wall just broke.
Ever since then I’ve been trying to learn about myself. The main thing I’ve learned is I’m less of a people person than I thought. I’m an “INFJ” personality type, if we go by the Myers-Briggs system. I remember finding that out and reading about it, and feeling so strongly that it was me. One of the big things there is that other people think they’re outgoing, because they’re good at being accommodating, but really they are happiest alone or one on one.
I’m remembering how much I loved travelling across the States, seeing different places and absorbing different cities’ culture. How very free I felt going with my whims and walking in the sunshine past all these different people. I think, for a time, I felt like that journey was over - I found love, I moved here. But now I’m becoming aware that the journey goes on forever, in many different forms.